…but I’m posting this anyway.

I didn’t call the blog designer, I didn’t call the copy editor, I didn’t get a new photo taken–nothing. What I did do is take action. Scary thought–I’m writing this before anything looks “as it should be”.

This is a huge thing for me. My whole existence has been centered on how things look. My mother drilled it into me, probably in the womb, beauty was more important than anything.

Do you ever feel that way?  That the emphasis on beauty demands that whatever you’re doing, you look good while you’re doing it?   Do you feel insecure or inadequate if you don’t conform to those standards?  I always do.

I felt the difference at a very early age.  Being a pretty baby and young child, I was aware of how glasses, pimples, and adolescent awkwardness completely transformed my life.  Of the way it altered how I was treated by others and distorted the perception of myself.  I knew what was beautiful and it was awful to have the awareness that I wasn’t.

Nothing else seemed important…

…at least not at my house.  How was it at yours?  Every child goes through a period of awkwardness or neglect—maybe not about the way they look, but about something.  How it plays out depends upon their family and environment.  One friend talks of his older sister and how she boosted his spirits when his mother couldn’t, another found solace with her best friend’s family. I was lucky enough to have grandmothers who made me feel loved and cherished, no matter what I looked like. I bet you’re smiling now as you think of the people who treasured you.  Bless them.

Making things beautiful.

Funny isn’t it, but that’s one of my strongest abilities.  I know beauty when I see it and I know how to create it. Maybe I developed the skill because of the pain it caused me. Sometimes lessons are best learned that way.  According to the Course in Miracles, “It’s not up to you what you learn, but whether you learn through joy or through pain.”   How have you learned your best lessons?

Creating beauty was a way to gain my mother’s approval and as it turned out, others as well. I won all the school art contests, which included a college scholarship. It was pointed out to me that I have a good eye for architectural space, adding that to my “perfect pitch” color ability, plus love of order and balance, and my interior design degree was a joy to work on. It’s also been my business for over thirty-five years.

So why am I sending this out to the universe?

I’ve outgrown my adolescent uglies and have had a very successful life, but despite my successes, I’ve had the feeling that there’s something more, somehow different–and I have no idea what that looks like.  Are you feeling it too?  Do you want to steer your life in a new direction, but unsure what that might be?    We can navigate together.

I’ve made a vow to do things that scare me…take me out of my comfort zone…aren’t expected from me…to strip away pretense and embrace authenticity. Really, it’s time to live my life without restrictions and insecurities—self or otherwise imposed. I’m too old for that! 

Use me as your mirror.  

I’m pretty good at helping others to see themselves and acknowledge their feelings.  To help them take action to produce positive results.  Do you think you could be limiting your life in some way?  Are you afraid to take a good hard look at your current reality?   Or perhaps, have inkling that something is just not right.  Here we can dig deep, with open and honest dialogue that leads to all that buried treasure within you.

I am willing to speak the truth from my heart and not be concerned of others’ approval, no matter how difficult it may be, and to provide a safe space for you to do the same.  I’m on a journey to find my true place in the world. Maybe you are too.  If so, join me on this quest. We can travel together.

NOTE:  SINCE PUBLISHING THIS ARTICLE ON APRIL 7, 2016 I HAVE UPGRADED THE LOOK OF THE BLOG, SO IT’S NO LONGER IN ITS’ “RAW” STATE.  MORE IMPROVEMENTS WILL FOLLOW…