One of my cherished friends, Gerri, died in her sleep last month and though I am deeply saddened, I am grateful for the wake up call. It reaffirmed my commitment to live a full, authentic life and reminded me that she was doing just that.
After the death of her husband, David, Gerri sublet an apartment in New York for a few months. She “love, love, loved it!” and has yearned to live there ever since. I always encouraged her to go and have the adventure she was longing for, but many family and friends had different opinions.
“Start over at your age!? Why would you leave your gorgeous apartment, where you were so happy with David, where you have so many people who love you… for what?” As was her style, Gerri was thoughtful and considerate with her deliberation, weighing all of her options, as well as the effect her move would have on others. Her final decision was not a whim…she was going.
The last time Gerri and I were together, we lolled around on the floor of her empty living room like teenagers, laughing and making plans for the future. She was ecstatic showing me photos of her perfect little apartment on Central Park South. We traded gifts, each bringing something of our own to share with the other as personal mementoes. I promised to come visit as soon as I was settled in California. That was a little over a month ago.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today
“Don’t put it off; do it now! Don’t rest until you do. Save yourself like a gazelle escaping from a hunter, like a bird fleeing from a net.” —Proverbs 6 verses 4 & 5.
Maybe you may know you have to escape, but are unsure of where you’re fleeing to. If you’re confused by your options or think you have none at all, you may be clinging to a distant memory, dreams of how it could be, or a reality that isn’t quite right.
Perhaps you don’t need to escape, but want something different. You can picture your new life in every detail, but feel restricted by or responsible for family and friends, abiding by their expectations and ignoring your own desires.
Sometimes it’s money or position that stops us from moving on. Many think we couldn’t possibly afford to leave our current lives, but are we constrained or just unwilling to adjust our standard of living in exchange for freedom or adventure?
Paralyzed with fear of the unknown, disapproval, or privation causes many of us to do nothing. I’ve suffered dreadful apprehension involving all of those and like Gerri, I spent a great deal of time considering my options and the consequences of each.
Something inside me clicked into place
When the initial shock at the sad news wore off, I recognized a resolve I hadn’t felt before. I had been traveling along at a nice, comfortable pace, consistently moving forward and letting go of what was no longer necessary in my life. I trusted that all the details would be revealed to me as I eased on down the road.
That road was taking me back and forth from Chicago to Oakland on a regular basis to see clients, friends, and family. Unable to see what lie ahead for me, I hung onto my lifeline in Chicago. It is challenging to have one foot in each world, but clarity regarding anything more had been elusive until right this instant. Now I knew I had to jump with both feet.
If you sense you should be somewhere else, doing something else, listen very carefully to what’s being expressed. Gerri’s death served as a megaphone right into my soul. I could feel it in my heart and hear it as if she were shouting into my ear.
“DO IT NOW!”
Whatever it is you’re dreaming of, aching for, want in your life, or need to escape from—do it now, don’t wait! If you don’t have all the puzzle pieces, start with those you have. Even baby steps will get you there eventually. The important thing is to take that step in the right direction—immediately.
Not sure what direction that is? “Try on” places or things to see how they fit. Join a new class or activity or go to a place and live there for awhile as Gerri and I did in New York and California. Keep searching until inspiration speaks and do what it tells you to do, leaving what’s unnecessary behind.
“All the time in the world”, could turn out to be much less time than you think. It doesn’t matter if you’re eighteen or eighty, we can’t afford to waste any of it. Don’t you want to be living in alignment and truth for as long as you can? I know I do. Gerri’s death magnified the reality of that as never before.
Fly Away Home
Flying off into the sunrise, I’m committed to living a full, authentic life. I have no idea what it will look like or how it will play out, but it’s important that I go. Really go. How can I develop my future while remaining grounded in the past? Taking one step forward and two steps back just won’t work anymore. I’m planting one foot in Oakland, with the other poised and ready to move forward from there.
Those people in my life dedicated to growth and open to exploration, will remain connected, wherever we are. Others, traveling a different path, will grow smaller as we trek in opposite directions away from each other. Then there’s Gerri. Of all the people I thought I would never see again, she was not one of them, so I will visit her often…to her place in my heart.
–in loving memory–
GERALDINE HILT SHUTE
Free Guide — Letting Go — The Manifesto
Do you feel like you’re just going through the motions?
Feeling stuck without knowing why or the next step?
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